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  • Thanks.

    There is a God. He rides a bike and I saw him in action today.

    I was toodling down the middle of a narrowish road on my way home from work tonight.
    Standard set up: Two lines of stationary cars with a clear avenue in the middle. No bother at all.
    The queue in my direction was caused by a parked van.
    As I approached the lead car waiting to pass the van ( one of those Mazda hairdresser sporty things) The driver half climbed out of the window (soft to up as it was raining) and shouted at me "wait your f***ing turn like the rest of us".
    I stopped to avoid hitting him and being a little taken aback said (highly original this) "pardon?” He then launched into a colourful diatribe on my parentage, sexual orientation, penis size etc etc (you know, lots of monosybalics ending in k and T)

    Anyway, realising that he was in fact a total cnut I told him to get a life and toodled off past the parked van.
    About 200m down the road are a series of speed humps. The first two are pretty pathetic but the third is an absolute beauty.
    As I was about 50m from the third hump I heard a dramatic revving of engine followed by an equally dramatic slidy braking noise. I looked round and saw Mr Hairdresser clear the second hump and accelerate like a banshee towards the third, he passed me mouthing (I assume) insults and gesticulating wildly.
    Straight into the third hump.
    There was an almighty clang/grind/crunch and it all went quite.
    Everyone just stared in amazement as a pool of oil started to spread from under the car.

    I was laughing so much I had to sit on the kerb before I fell off my bike, it was so bad I could hardly breathe, and I was not alone. A fair few peds also found it highly amusing.

    Mr Mazda got out, looked under the car, stood up and looked towards me and started screaming, really full on screaming. I was in tears.

    I have never laughed so much; I thought I was going to piss myself.

    At which point a pedaling plod appeared from the opposite direction and took charge of Mr. hysterical.

    Jumped back on my bike and trundled past the pair of them (I was having trouble keeping a straight line I was still laughing so much).

    I caught the words "warning and public order" from plod as I carried on my merry way.

    As said, there really is a God.

    Toodle pip

    (I’m still giggling like a madman)

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