Losing it?

No, I didn't, I kept them as a reminder to never work with people like her again (if I ever work again). Is that a bit of an anti-climax?

You did the right thing.

you said climax...

it was more an austin maxi/tree branch john cleese moment.

"I've laid it on the line to you time and time again.!"

My mate caught a kid trying to knick the stereo out of his baja bug.....he comprehensively lost the plot and threw him down a flight of granite steps. It was quite impressive and I bet the little scrote took some career advice after that.

I have no such heroic tales but have been known to introduce holes into inanimate objects in momentary fits of pique....it's a deeply satisfying feeling.

"sobbing into my crotch"

Dwell on that.

Ahh - crymaxing...

the dirty knicker.

quote from Samuel.L.Jackson interview " never lose your cool, but if you do, make it count".

however, my psychiatrist will only let me eat my dinner using crayons.

I'm pretty calm and collected, even in the face of adversity. I get frustrated by idiocy but rarely resort to violence. It's only getting hit that tends to set me off. Sadly my lack of fighting skills tends to leave me on the ass kicked side of the fence. The last time I lost it was after some new driver hit and run me at the end of Blackfriars Bridge. Fortunately for him, by the time I'd chased him down at Westminster Bridge, I was too knackered to drag him from the car and shit in his eyes so I settled for for shouting at him until he started to cry. His mum was the passenger, which was pretty sweet.

Still, I've quit smoking since then, so if you knock me down, stop and be nice or floor it properly. Half measures will not be your good friend.

Oh I'm bumping this. How did this thread die?

Last year I was putting up two small shelves in our living room. They needed to be adjacent to one another and level - obviously. The pebble laden mortar and shitty bricks in our gaff make simple drilling very tricky and on this particular day, on this particular wall I could not get my masonry bit to run true. Every time I had it en route it would deviate violently, chewing a path of destruction which could happily play host to a family of Borrowers but was fuck all use for snugly housing a Rawl Plug.

We even went through that piss weak discussion home improvers go through where we agreed that the shelves could potentially be higher, differently aligned, replaced with a painting etc'. All very disheartening.

After a couple of hours of shitting about and with very low blood sugar the drill lurched off line for the final time. I went batshit crazy and drilled no less than thirty deep gouges in the wall in very rapid succession, threw the power drill at the wall and went and sat outside staring at the floor for about an hour. I would have still been there drilling had the drill bit not folded over on itself like a cheap paper clip.

Funnily enough, once I'd filled, sanded and repainted the wall I hung the shelves with ease the next day.

I was at my parents for five days last week decorating the bathroom in their cosy little cottage. Some Heath Robinson wannabe had long ago installed a network of complicated wooden boxes which hide all the pipework feeding sinks, baths and loo. It was coated in that ugly 70s varnish (the stuff that looks like toffee).

In doing a thorough job I disassembled the boxes, sanded and painted them in the shed. I had also removed the carpet.

Somewhere along the line I had forgotten the very specific system of construction. This made reassembling the boxes a living nightmare. The hardest part was trying not to mark the newly painted walls or scrape the beautifully painted woodwork. It took most of a day but I got it all looking pristine, touching up the little damage I'd done and filling and painting any joins and screw points. Looked great.

Then my Dad and I came to put the carpet back.......... which I should apparently have done before installing the boxes.

Needless to say shit got real for a minute or two. Sorry Dad.

they should ban easter and all the free time it gives people
this weekend coming up is THE big diy weekend of the year
watch out for those thumbs when hammering and ALWAYS cut away from yourself

Headbutt nails in = no thumb problems

Measure twice, cut once, go postal.

Measure twice, cut once, still get it wrong,go postal.

ftfy

Always blame your tools.

Always throw your tools.

.

Always throw your cheapest tools.
.

Oh I'm bumping this. How did this thread die?
It lost it.

Urgh, I go for a very long time without an outburst but sometimes it's just fucking needed. It's like an angry man's version of a tantrum.

The worst/best was when I was a teenager working at Pizza Hut and we'd had expensive new touchscreen tills/ordering systems installed. These were utter wank. Think back to what touchscreens were like over 10 years ago, now imagine shitter, slower, less accurate versions of those, and you're half way to imagining what these machines were like.

The one at the far end of the "restaurant" had been playing up all evening on a Saturday where the queue of people wishing to stuff their faces with pizza that can only really be described as pizza's older, decrepit, saggy aunt, extended out of the door. The place was full of annoying little shitty kids all throwing pizza everywhere and spilling drinks, and youths in their late teens, dipped in Lynx and thinking they're the next Frank Lampard.

This one youth had decided the best way to get a refill on his drink was to just stand up and shout at me across the restaurant. Nobody else seemed to want to help him so I just needed to finish entering the order I was in the middle of doing. Except it wouldn't register me pressing garlic bread with cheese, I kept trying again and again and it still wouldn't.

Yes I'm coming you fat fuck, as soon as this computer registers that table 17 want another 74 portions of garlic bread with cheese, come on, COME ON! Oh. This machine appears to be broken. It doesn't seem to have a screen any more. I'm sorry, your order will be delayed slightly as the ordering system seems to be suffering a technical issue. Please accept this 25% discount from my manager. This? Oh that's glass embedded in my knuckles causing my fist to bleed all over my shirt. Yes it is quite painful, thanks for asking.

I was a teenager

over 10 years ago.

I'd believe that.

;-)