Losing it?

I used to lose my temper and smash keyboards with alarming regularity. I had to borrow a friend's keyboard because mine was broken; I broke that too. He was not pleased.

I punched a really good old Sony stereo that my auntie gave me for my birthday (she'd had it for years and it was playing up), this stopped it from playing up. It also stopped it from working altogether

I broke my £800 iBook, and I didn't even hit it hard at all. It was more 'I gently caressed it with my fist' than 'I whacked it'. Left it irrepairable (well according to the wankers at Apple anyway. They lied about what was wrong with it and tried to charge me over £700 to fix it - cunts). I neglected to insure it for accidental damage, the twat I am, so that was £800 down the drain in 0.1 seconds. God, for that kind of money, I could have gone to Amsterdam, imagine all the beer I could have bought, all the ganja I could have smoked, all the dutch whores I could have slept with... gone!

I've thrown, punched and whacked my Toshiba Tecra laptop so hard and so many times that it should be broken, in fact the H key is missing and the screen corner is bent, but it still works fine. (This is proof that you should get a Toshiba and not a Mac, which will be irrepairably broken if you look at it funny)

I have now calmed down and stopped hitting computers and stuff when they piss me off. On the rare occasions that I do get pissed off my a computer I leave it and have a break, or if it's really infuriating I hit the desk instead. Much less likely to break!

Mobile phones though! Fuck 'em! I bought a really nice nokia a few years ago but after a while something about it started pissing me off. I can't remember what it was, but it eventually pissed me off so much that when I was cycling along trying to dial someone and failing, I lost my temper, shouted "fuck it! piece of shit!" and threw the phone hard onto the road and rode off. I then calmed down, rode back to retrieve the sim card from amongst the phone fragments, embarrassed about what a stupid thing that was to do (and how much money I'd spent on that phone...)

I broke that tough waterproof nokia 'builder's phone' by throwing it against the wall - can't remember why though.

I broke my nice sony erricson because, well. I had set the alarm to repeat every weekday at 7.30. It worked fine for ages. I never cancelled that alarm, ever, because I never had any need to cancel it. There is no way that the daily alarm could be 'un-set' unless someone manually cancelled it. I normally take two phones to bed in case one decides not to go off (it's happened before). The one day that I risked going to to bed with just the one phone, the alarm doesn't fucking go off?!!?! Making me an hour late for work. I checked the alarm just to make sure, and of course it showed that the alarm was set for 730, so why didn't it go off? It was like the phone was mocking me: "haha! look at me, i'm set to wake you up at 730 and it's now 830, i didnt do what you asked and i dont have to explain why! ner ner!" I angrily threw the phone at the wall before furiously getting ready for work. It still works, except the screen shows nothing but white light.

Non fury-related phone breakage: I had another nokia 'builder's phone'. Went out, got pissed, came back, got stoned, made a cup of tea, lay down on the sofa and started texting a girl. I couldn't think what to say, and before I knew it, I had woken up the next morning thinking "hmmm I never did finish writing that text to that girl - I must have fallen asleep while I was writing it, but where is my phone?". Of course, just my fucking luck, it was in the cup of tea that I'd made. Fell out my hand as I nodded off, landed right in the fucking cup. I should have written to nokia to suggest that they make their so-called 'tough' phones tea-proof as well as waterproof - after all, it's marketed at builders, and builders do drink a lot of tea.