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  • Do you know what is really starting to piss me off? Eco-bollockings. Everything in the press, on TV, on the fucking net, is perpetually berating us for our dirty ways and bullying us into being green. I know things are pretty crappy, but to be honest, there's not a lot the private individual can do about it. We recycle, but they just chuck it all in the same dustbin lorry anyway. We carefully was all our bottles and tins and plastic before re-cycling. With what? Hot water. Boiled how? Using electricity or gas. So why bother. You can't eat that chicken, it's not organic. How much is the organic one? £10. Oh, I'll just have these parsnips then.
    I come into the living room and the telly is on, and the kids are watching some lollypop headed gimp called Tommy Zoom fighting his arch nemesis called 'Polluto' and his cat is called 'Smog'. Just brainwashing my children! Telly off. All kids telly is jam packed with green this and eco that. Our telly is full of grim reminders of how we're all going to end up living in yurts made of recycled nappies, wearing a tunic woven from my own pubes, eating gravel and drinking sea water.
    I'm human. I'm really sorry, I'm just trying to get on with life, but according to the media, everything I do is wrong. Everything I eat is fucking up the planet or fucking up me, everything I wear is made by child abusers, I try to keep my house warm and I'm commiting a felony. I'm starting to get a guilt complex about everything I do!
    The reality is that the only people who can really make a difference is governments, and not just by handing out a lot of eco-bollockings to the general populace. Stop shouting at me, and do something about it! Conjure up some sort of sustainable infrastructure that we can actually use! Make everyone ride bloody bikes! Just get off my fucking case....

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