What skillz you frontin?

my skills include:

1. wiping my bottom properly (right handed, left handed - working on no handed) (with paper: close to completing)
   
2. noseplant down the stairs to answer the phone when my trousers are still round my ankles
   
3. not going over the handlebars while breaking wind along the Old Kent Road
   
4. going successfully over the handlebars while applying the appropriate amount of front brake suddenly and decisively, e.g. to avoid ploughing into a pedestrian
   
5. preparing a syringe with minimal wasteage of barbiturate when Countdown's starting.