Tell me a joke. Earn +ve rep

This bloke with Tourette's Syndrome walks into the most exclusive restaurant in town. "Where's the pissing, motherfucking manager, you cocksucking arsewipe?" he enquires of one of the waiters.

The waiter is taken aback and replies, "Excuse me sir but could you refrain from using that sort of language in here. I will get the manager as soon as I can".

The manager comes over and the bloke asks "Are you the chicken-fucking manager of this bastard place?."
"Yes sir, I am" replies the manager, "but I would prefer if you could refrain from speaking such profanities in this, a private restaurant".

"Fuck off" replies the bloke "and where's the fucking piano?"
"Pardon? says the manager.
"Fucking deaf as well, are we? You snivelling little piece of shit, show me your cunting piano".
"Ah", replies the manager, you've come about the pianist job" and shows
the bloke to the piano.
"Can you play any blues"

"Of course I fucking can," and the bloke proceeds to play the most inspiring and beautiful sounding honky-tonk blues that the manager has ever heard.
"That's superb. What's it called?"
"I tried to shag your missus on the sofa but the springs kept hurting my dick," replies the bloke.

The manager is a bit disturbed and asks if the bloke knows any jazz.
The bloke proceeds, playing the most melancholy jazz solo the manager has ever heard.
"Magnificent," cries the manager. "What's it called?"
"I wanted a wank over the washing machine but I got my balls caught in the soap drawer".

The manager is a tad embarrassed and asks if he knows any romantic ballads. The bloke then plays the most heartbreaking melody the manager has ever heard.
"And what's this called?" asks the manager.
"As I fuck you under the stars with the moonlight shining off your hairy ring piece," replies the bloke. The manager is highly upset by the bloke's language but offers him the job on condition that he doesn't introduce any of his songs or talk to any of the customers.

This arrangement works well for a couple of months until one night sitting opposite the pianist, is the most gorgeous blonde he has ever laid his eyes on. She's wearing an almost see through dress, her breasts are almost falling out of her black lace bra, the skimpy little "G" string she's wearing is doing very little to conceal her ample charms. She's sitting there with her legs slightly open, sucking suggestively on asparagus shoots as the butter dribbles down her chin.

The image is too much for the bloke and he scurries off to the Gents to furiously pat the cheetah.

He's tugging away fevourishly when he hears the managers voice.
"Where's that bastard pianist?"

He has time to relieve himself, and in a fluster he runs back to the piano having not bothered to adjust himself properly, sits down and starts playing some more tunes.

The blond steps up and walks over to the piano, leans over, boobs in his face and whispers in his ear "Do you know you knob and your bollocks are hanging out of your trousers and dripping spunk on your shoes?"

The bloke replies "Know it?

I fucking wrote it"