Removing the nose to save the penis...

it's time they were issued with actual cycling specific clobber, along with some proper cycling training.

a fit person on a fast bike can get anywhere very quickly in this city.

London is small when you got 700cs

They are always going to be slowish though as they have so much shit to carry. Even if they were on a bike with 700c wheels it would end up being a touring bike to carry all of their kit.