1st-time London visitors seek fun, culture and bikes.

I've seen them though, cheap suits, overpowering aftershave, ridiculously gelled hair, braying into their mobile phones when they've never even jangled a set of keys or driven a mini with writing on the side

Tis true. The worst thing is they all hang around Claphams famous Clapham (copyright Tynan 2008), outside of houses with for sale signs, thinking they're cool. Drinking in The Sun talking about deals they've never made. When all the time they live in Carshalton and work in Accounting. Shocking!