Four 'W*nkers' this morning

Totally

I do have to say though. I used to cycle through the city every morning and I used to get called a wanker loads. I also had a few instances where knobs in suits actually chased me. Now that was real fun. Not sure what they were hoping to achieve by doing that mind

Basically the city is full of aggorant cocks who are used to ordering people around all day.

I think they were hoping to hurt you in some physical way. Why haven't knobs in suits tried to chase me? Or .. anyone else on here .. ?

Today was weird, unusually high cunt count, I almost got pole-axed three times this morning... It was muggy... Definitely a weather thing...

YouTube - Ella sings "Stormy Weather" with Joe Pass, Hannover 1975

+1 to the high cunt count today.

This morning, on Battersea Park Road passed a stationary bus in two-lane traffic heading East, some total fucking cock behind me driving a Ford Escort the colour and texture of grade zero emery paper in the lane I'd shifted in to decides to honk his horn. Now past the bus, he drives by me, I shout "Fuck Off!" in full voice, and cycle on. I catch up with him at the traffic lights on Falcoln Rd (where I work anyway), get off, and gesture to him to wind his window down (which he does) and ask him why he honked me.
"You were in the middle of the road."
Silly me.
Says I: "I have as much right to use the road as you do. I was passing the fucking bus. It's bad enough out there on a bike without having a twat like you honking his fucking horn behind me when he has no reason to."
This exasperates him.
"Bastard bikes. Shouldnt be bastard bikes on the road. Bastard. You bastard."
The lights he's been waiting at change. I wave him off with the approved gesture.
"Bastard!" he says as he drives off. "Bastard!"

You should've made him carve 666 on his forehead.

I've never been told, 'I hope you enjoy your life, cos it's going to be short!", but I have coerced someone into carving 666 on their forehead using alcohol and demonic powers of persuasion.

i am sure this is true..

What's the point of living a life that requires making shit up? I also got them to carve an H on one cheek and a M on the other, cos they were into heavy metal.

The wounds were superficial though, so there was only a bit of scarring on 2 of the 6s, so I suppose people think he's into Chuck Berry now.

If I hadn't been late for work already, I was considering hanging him up by his feet and setting fire to his hair. Then peeling the skin off his back, sort of thing.

You could've produced documents proving that you were actually born in wedlock (unless you weren't... you bastard).

I'm not sure of my parentage but I do have 666 carved into my forehead.

Most unholy master, I am forever in your service... you bastard.

You know, I think I may actually be a bastard. I should apologise to the guy.

He probably goes around shouting all kinds of perceptive comments at people, like 'orphan', or 'twin'.

Come to think of it, he did have a 'gifted' look about him.

Now you know what to shout at him next time you see him.

wanker!;-)

cunt count!
they should really include that in the traffic news. much more important than wind or rain or owt.

I think they were hoping to hurt you in some physical way. Why haven't knobs in suits tried to chase me? Or .. anyone else on here .. ?

Probably cos no one else on this forum cycles as aggresively and insanely as I do. Or maybe I just attract idiots? You tell me

i've never been overtaken by a hybrid, but i have been told "i hope you enjoy your life, cos it's going to be short!"
a close friend of mine told me that as soon as i was riding fixed he would be willing my death and that when i died he would come to my grave and laugh.

a close friend of mine told me that as soon as i was riding fixed he would be willing my death and that when i died he would come to my grave and laugh.

Make him promise to come and dance on your grave...

... then get buried at sea.

i dunno he did say it before i got into fixed so i kind of respect him for keeping his opinion however ill informed it may be
but yeh dancing at sea is a good one, maybe i should get cremated....

cremated and spread across the nearest waste water treatment plant. now dance on that bitch. :)

or least tell him that.

i like your thinking mate anyway ill outlive him cos ive got a "healthy" lifestyle

I'd outlive him because I'd slowly poison his food with lead filings. What a cuntish thing to say!
You lot keep odd friends.

thats for sure (most of them havent even got bikes how weird is that)
besides i prefer mercury nice bit of madness before death

Lead is easier to get hold of in sufficient quantities and you don't find mercury in normal household situations whereas lead is, well was, everywhere :)