Oh my God, I'm so amazing!

Basically set up the drivetrain on the driveside, singlespeed, using a tensioner if need be, get that running sweetly,

THEN;

Setup another R/H side (driveside) crank arm, on the L/H side, running fixed but an easier ratio, therefore, you can run say 38/16 on the driveside, for a higher top end speed, and on the non-drive-side, you could run 38/13, so it is easier for you to hob skid, as there is less force on your legs,

Does not work.