Where to go and what to buy?

2! Everyone knows you need at least

One hip hop slave bike
One road fixed
One track bike (for the track)
One road bike
One winter trainer / Audax bike
One touring bike
One single speed mbt
One geared cross crounty mbt
One full sus downhill bike
One BMX
One hardtail jump / free ride mbt
One 29er

As a minimum.

Where's the polo bike and the pub beater? Brompton? Tandem? Chuckle brothers bike as a car side by side number?