Dildo Bars

eyebrows damn, I thought this was some crazy new venture.
Typical Conversation:
Customer: "I've never been to one of these before, can you suggest a good 'un?"
Barkeep: " Well, we have this try before you buy system, basically test it out on your nose and if you sneeze you've found your dildo"
Customer: "I have to say I'm particularly interested in the 1978 Californian"
Barkeep: " Yes, that was a particularly fine year, though we're running low. How does a 1920's Parisian sound"
Etc Etc

Don't know if they have a 1920's Parisian, but what you're describing sounds just like Sh!