I hate

Dear Mr. RPM (The Beast)

Thank you for your email. I understand you have been having problems ~~redeeming your nectar vouchers~~ refraining from trying to root our staff at our store in Tooting. I can certainly appreciate your frustration, especially as you have a large amount of ~~voucher’s~~ built up sexual frustration.

Please let me assure you that it is our duty to serve our customers well. We expect our colleagues to be helpful and courteous at all times and we place a great deal of emphasis on this in our training. I am therefore sorry that we have let you down on this occasion.

I have passed your ~~comments~~ measurements on to Julian Buckman, The store manager at the Tooting store. He asked me to pass on his sincere apologies to you. He assured me he will speak to his colleagues to ensure they are all aware on the procedures for accepting ~~nectar vouchers~~ sexual offers from customers.

I have also added 1000 points on to your nectar card to make up for your disappointment. This is equivalent to £5.00. The points will appear on your card within 72 hours. I hope you can use this on your next visit to treat yourself to something you particularly enjoy.

Once again, thank you for your email. I hope you will continue to use and enjoy Sainsbury’s products and services.

Kind regards

Laura Hoyle
Sainsbury's Customer Services