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  • I normally entrust this task to Youssuf, my Morroccan Houseboy.

    However, I sometimes grant him the evening off to meet his young friends in Vauxhall.

    On the rare occasions that I execute this onerous task myself, I bundle up my oily rag and push it between the tyre and the seat tube. Further you push it, tighter the chain gets.

    Piece of piss.

    Unless you've got a Dolan, when there's not a snowball's of owt lining anything up.

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