Bike noise, creak, click, creaks, clicks, clicking, pinging sound - help

RPM my drivetrain today was silent as a dead mute.
yesterday it made some noise though.
my fucking saddle creaks, it drives me insane. I MUST HAVE COMPLETE SILENCE, I only want to hear the tyres on the tarmac and the traffic.

Ha ha - i'm with you on that one - QUIET DOWN THE BACK THERE!
My saddle and my fekkin shoes are squeaking like bastards at the moment.
Cant wait till my new bike's ready!