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  • I had jazz mags on the NHS. New ones too. In a nice little room with a bed, and paintings on the wall. I never got a chance to use the bed. Presumably it was for reclining on while a friend gave you manual assistance.

  • On the NHS I was expected to use the disabled toilet. Once inside, a group of nurses decided to congregate outside for a loud and decidedly jolly conversation. I was convinced there must be a spyhole somewhere.

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