I hate

Why is sliced ham so fucking impossible to get out of the packet slice by slice?

It's God telling you "this is your last chance to avoid eating this dogshit, don't say i didn't try to help you"* **

*obvs you can eat what the fuck you want, I'm taking the piss
** though the slices are stuck together with pig jizz

** see also kumquats.
In the old days you could buy fresh quats but nowadays it's all processed.

Wait, you managed to get the top bit of the plastic off the packet?

In the old days I used to go over to the fresh kumquats in the supermarket and consciously embarrass my wife by shouting "do we need more kumquats ? "

I haven't had a kumquat and subsequent wincey eye from the sourness, for many a year.

It's the universe's way of telling you to go to Lidl and buy a proper ham

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Worth it! Even though its serrano, still amazing. Will last 2 people a month or 2 if done right. Watch some vids and slice it proper

Please respect my culture, I'll be boiling a gammon joint.

Booking anything online. Swimming, soft play, gig tickets, yoga/Pilates, each with their own shit website and if you’re lucky a clunky app, passwords all fucked and card payment systems asking for passcodes I’ve never heard of.
Actually add to that, buying anything online outside of Amazon (sorry planet and small shops but give me one-click ordering any day), and trying to track parcels.
Just using a phone. I hate typing on a phone more with every upgrade.
Fuck it all

In the old days I used to go over to the fresh kumquats in the supermarket and consciously embarrass my wife by shouting "do we need more kumquats ? "

I'd imagine Quats found that quite embarrassing.

Even though its serrano

Way better than that Italian muck.

Phones in general, fucking Pandora's Box.

A necessary evil but one I wish I could do without sometimes..

Just using a phone. I hate typing on a phone more with every upgrade.
Fuck it all

OTG adapter -> cordless mouse & keyboard dongle -> mind blown

OTG adapter -> cordless mouse & keyboard dongle

Links pls.

or just a bluetooth keyboard.

I have a little foldable one with a trackpad. i never use it. if anyone wants it and can pick up from se24, PM me.

I think any situation where I could make a mini keyboard and mouse setup would be better to just dig my laptop out

better to just dig my laptop out

Everyone always spins out on how tiny the writing is on my screen. I enable the developer options and change the DPI setting... Now that I look, it's called 'minimum width' these days. IIRC if you put it above 640 it breaks some things, but anything approaching that makes your screen a lot more useful as long as your near vision is good.

Do u even swipe, brev?

Fucking Amazon. I know I should know better than buy things from them, but to require a photo id verification through a 3rd party to request a refund on something is absolutely mental!

Didn't ask for anything to buy it, so they can't be that worried...

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David Beckham in this advert. Look at him gurning at the end. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSCOztwcHO4

Shrug your shoulders David. Let your hands wobble a bit more. So relatable.

You could question them about their knowledge of UK trading law and ask if they are adhering to it and where does it state that this is necessary in order to provide a refund.
I tried to return faulty goods and they claimed it couldn’t be done as it was out of warrantee. That period was far shorter than UK law stipulates and, talking to Amazon, it was clear they didn’t know that or were deliberately flouting it. They sorted a refund as soon as I pointed this out.

They sorted a refund as soon as I pointed this out.

Same here trying to return something (at my cost) under the statutory 14 day cooling off period. Took 3 conversations with reps who clearly didn’t know about it, but eventually someone else got online and they did it immediately.

How much more money do motherfuckers like him neeeeeed?! JFC 🙄

Not his fault there are millions of people who put a massive halo on men with the best ability to move a ball without using their hands.