Overheard at the LFGSS golf club bar

Lovingly grown then picked by hand in Hebden Bridge, no doubt.

Hebden Bridge is full of valleys, canals, MTB trails and angry livestock farmers, ex Manc wreakheads and wonderful lesbians, ain't no room for tea unless it's afternoon.

Those lovable old rogues failed to appear the one time I went there. The pubs were stuffed by 4, the fights started at 5. There was a fight in the curry house at 9 and a battle royal in the hotel car park at 11. Bloody good overnight stop if you ask me.

and did you win all 3?

But if the Telegraph can't foster racism, what's the point of publishing it? (I used to write for it

getting the Eurostar to Paris

got the regular “that’s posh, it must have cost a bomb”from a colleague.

I got a set of Ercol chairs for a good price

I make a good living

massive matching expensive bread

Our mutuals are making a killing.

Did you accidentally end up in Todmorden instead?

the customary classic M&S

Perfect excuse to get a monocle.

Oh great, Instagram algorithm seems to have me down as a prick then

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a £700 microwave kind of guy

will be getting a few acres

I was at school with Nick Harkaway, back when he was plain old Nick Cornwall, and I generally found him quite annoying

I occasionally wear latex

Perfect

the barn where we split and stack wood!

and

a few years ago I gave my wife a Gransfors Bruks axe

I got half a pig from him and it was good

I'd have been all over them after a recent pay rise.

I was just about to drop nearly 100 on something

I used to see him regularly at the House of Lords dining