Crap 'Buzzwords'

100% seems to have replaced 'cool' for the machine gun end of sentence punctuation.

Yea, cool, cool, cool.

Yea, 100%, 100%, 100%

Getting pretty sick of all these ‘platforms’ that aren’t in a train station.

Tech debt and delta are this week's winners so far. Pivot is also having a resurgence.

the team should be prepared to swarm

Buzz off!

Longest pole in the tent

Apparently meant to denote the most important thing being worked on, but I feel it could be a synonym for the sharpest tool in the box.

For real?

Why would you ever choose a phrase with pole in it? Unless you genuinely want to imply something is a dick.

But largest doesn't always equate to most important, even in a tent pole context?

Also all the tents I've used have two equal main long crossing poles. Both pivotal to it's construction. You can start with either one.

I feel like there is a totally different metaphor there somewhere...

The one at the front of my [context: retro orange and brown 1970s] tent is longer than the one at the back.

but is it more important?

Trying to rationalise buzzwords is like pigeon chess.

Yes, just phrases invented by cunts to impress cunts

Don't know how to refer to something but want to sound a business-pro?

the piece

Radio 6 rebranding old-style request shows as a 'listener takeover'.

What does the verb to syndicate mean?

Send to people?

I dealt with someone who would, with a straight face, “socialise artefacts”

(Send files)

to convey information to one's area of an organisation, especially (i) when it would be far more efficient or responsible to do so centrally, but the originator doesn't know how (ii) when the originator does not want to deal with responses, questions or discussion

Cheers.

Tbh I still really struggle with artefacts.

It means all that general shit you need to show how stuff works/should work, right?

It's just documents.

Interestingly the standard dictionary definition is along the lines of :

an object made by a human being, typically one of significant cultural or historical interest

Whereas in business-speak it is almost exactly the opposite.

Returning the Elgin Marbles*? Might be hard to share on OneDrive.

*Parthenon sculptures obvs

I have just received an email containing

execution prioritisation

Given our track record I'm not entirely convinced we aren't talking about order in line for the guillotine.

keep me honest

I mean it's a good phrase and I like it. But why the fuck is everyone saying it all of a sudden?

Many people use it as a filler.

Many people use it because they hear other people say it and think it sounds good.

But many people use it as a power play, e.g. "You don't really believe what I'm about to say but I don't think you have the balls to call me out on it, and if you don't call me out on it then you're tacitly agreeing with what I say."