Epic fail

Got gurgling sinks so battled to get the drain cover up outside the house, it took two of us to wiggle and lift it, drain was backed up. So went to check the septic tank, heaved on the lid with one hand and for one thing it wasn’t stuck, for another it was light. It slipped out of my grasp and then fell into the septic tank like a bad comedy.

Well, with the lid missing, it's both a cool septic tank and a piece of absolute shit. @M_V take note.

Today I opened the inspection chamber that is just before the first of the two septic tanks. It was half full. This chamber is about 30m from the one I had looked in by the house and probably a 2m or 3m drop from the house.

I pushed a drain rod with the grabbby twisty end up toward the house from the last chamber. It found a bit of resistance so I twisted and pulled. There was a slow trickled of sludge start moving. I then had the horror of watching the flow accelerate into the inspection chamber and it fill up with a shit soup, with congealed fat and bits of sweetcorn turning it into the grimmest chowder in history. The level kept rising, I was envisaging the backed up fluid overflowing into the garden. But just as it got to the lip of the inspection chamber the flow stopped and it all gurgled through into the septic tank.

I have been having flashbacks to this moment all day , worrying about what could have happened and the disaster it would have been to have a garden covered in shit.

the disaster it would have been to have a garden covered in shit.

The grass would grow like you wouldn't believe next year.

Our two dogs running around the garden getting covered in shit would have been terrible.

What did I do?!

When I was about twelve, we had a blockage between the house and our septic tank at the bottom of the garden. My dad and I went to inspect the tank, he leant it to get a good look at the inlet whilst I shone a torch on it, and his glasses fell off his nose/ears and dropped into the tank.

Guess who got the job of being lowered into it to retrieve them?

Well, apparently you're not up enough on Cockney rhyming slang.

What?!

Have I had a stroke today? Has someone hacked my account and been conversing with people? Because I’m lost.

I’ve looked through my recent posts and nothing I don’t remember posting or any clues as to how I got involved in a discussion about septic tanks.

It's just a joke about cool septic tanks and piece of absolute shit septic tanks.

And I’m the piece of shit or something?

How did you get there? Septic tank, Yank. You made a big thing about the difference between cool ones and piece of shit ones.

Fucking hell that’s a bit tenuous.

Thread title checks out.

that’s a bit tenuous.

Ah, yes, well, I mentioned you in the hope people would get the reference. That didn't work.

I am not going fishing for the missing drain cover.

A new one is on its way to me

10/10 story. Would read again.

It's a shame that your septic tank isn't contributing to our record-breaking crop of 'sweetcorn of the sea' this year...

Might work from home if the wind is going to be blowing at 5909mph. Imagine the echelons…

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That's nothing, I'm going out in nearly 15,000mph winds apparently

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I know Conham’s south of the river but didn’t realise it was far enough south to be speaking French

I rode in earlier and there was no tailwind.

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But is it a tailwind?

Think I'll bring the bins back in.