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  • Got gurgling sinks so battled to get the drain cover up outside the house, it took two of us to wiggle and lift it, drain was backed up. So went to check the septic tank, heaved on the lid with one hand and for one thing it wasn’t stuck, for another it was light. It slipped out of my grasp and then fell into the septic tank like a bad comedy.

  • Today I opened the inspection chamber that is just before the first of the two septic tanks. It was half full. This chamber is about 30m from the one I had looked in by the house and probably a 2m or 3m drop from the house.

    I pushed a drain rod with the grabbby twisty end up toward the house from the last chamber. It found a bit of resistance so I twisted and pulled. There was a slow trickled of sludge start moving. I then had the horror of watching the flow accelerate into the inspection chamber and it fill up with a shit soup, with congealed fat and bits of sweetcorn turning it into the grimmest chowder in history. The level kept rising, I was envisaging the backed up fluid overflowing into the garden. But just as it got to the lip of the inspection chamber the flow stopped and it all gurgled through into the septic tank.

    I have been having flashbacks to this moment all day , worrying about what could have happened and the disaster it would have been to have a garden covered in shit.

  • What did I do?!

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