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  • I will be first in line for a charity shop copy of the Boris memoir, 700 pages equates to a lot of arse wiping. I shall frame the cover page with 'remainder flushed' printed beneath it.

    As Euclid would have put it 'you fat, lazy, lying, grifting cunt'.

    As Kuenssberg will review it 'a wonderful, warm and witty book, can I kiss your hairy sphincter now'.

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