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I think the aging transit would lose almost all its value, so not really a good idea.
I’d also be leaving the theoretical vehicle with a friend, and the quid pro quo there would be that it would be useful to them/they would want to use it.
Budget is essentially impossible to define given that I am unemployed currently of course
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I'm not sure I buy that.
My first hit on ebay is a merc'd out £15k ULEZ compliant van.
https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/256551022874?
How much is this really going to drop over the period you're looking at? £7.5k? What's your average spend on a vehicle in terms of mods 'n maintenance over a 3yr period?
Or this one for £9k https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/226210347413? If the theoretical future value in... 10yrs? is zero, so what? This is exactly how cars use to be.
Being frank, I don't think this idea is worth you perusing.
The answer for someone else would be to get a moderately aged Transit and add some insulation, sound proofing, and maybe thinking about an easy way for them to break in without causing too much damage to see there are no tools.
But you won't be happy with that sort of thing, so you're limited to getting something bling which you're not willing to spend the money on.