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  • I hate “are you sure?”

    Most of my professional life I have acted as a go-between between two official bodies.

    One entity will ask me to ask a question of the other. When I return with an outcome that is not what the asker was hoping for, they won’t say; “what a shame” , “how disappointing” or “ok let’s think of something else” . They say “are you sure?” Like I’m lying or too stupid to ask the question. Sometimes they invite someone more senior to take a look at the issue and they ask the question and they say “are you sure?” When I give the response. Sometimes they ask me to go back and ask again and then when they get the same response…”are you sure?”

  • That sucks. I had that a lot in my career when I was younger, due to ageism and possibly some racism as well as general assumption of incompetence.

    Not to offer unrequested advice, but depending on how busy you are and how many fucks you have left to give, are you able to stand your ground? I assume you’re busy or value your work, otherwise you’d could just coast from confirmation to confirmation.

    ‘Hi Name. Yes: I’ve checked and rechecked the maths/had the conversations/ sought confirmation. Grateful if you’d proceed with X.’ followed by a ‘Name, As discussed, I’ve double confirmed this. I won’t be doing what you’ve asked me to repeat since it places unnecessary pressure on my team for no impact. Please proceed with X.’. Freed up a lot of my time.

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