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Ah, said it was incompetence... please link my Hotmail account, I never use the Gmail and have no idea how I managed to this time.
@TGR: I tried wigs but they slipped off, Gorilla glue apparently only works on Gorillas and the 6" nails rusted out.
@PhilDAS: proof as requested, well, you asked for it!
Somehow, probably due to my incompetence, I have become user etc. I am in fact Colin_the_Bald, I know this to be fact as I have checked in the mirror.
What can I (or you) do to restore the status quo? I'm damned if I can work it out. Otherwise, people will have to learn to hate me all over again.