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@hugo7
Personally I think a fast Passat (or superb), debadged with a remap would be the best choice. Embrace a rustic aesthetic.
I can't recall if anything went wrong with the E class, but your experiences have presented a strong case against buying 2nd hand mercs / in favour of financing new ones. My takeaway from this thread is that the sorts of car you're after should be sold once they hit their 3rd birthday.
Edit; to build out the point about a VW/Skoda - you like fettling, so it give you the ability to geek out on the tunning aspect, and tuning parts are much cheaper than for Mercedes.