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RonAsheton
I've been so fucked by work the last god knows how long, i've had no time to while away any time on here, much less do anything creative.
Anyway, had a week off this week and having had restrorative and rejuvenating few days of family time, i've been given the gift of a day to myself. Spent it finishing and releasing a new Elvers track that i've just posted here:
https://elvers.bandcamp.com/track/wait-for-the-light
I hope it will mark a bit of a creative reboot as I've got a fair few more songs I'm keen to finish and post. I'll write some guff about how i've been thinking about recording lately - or maybe that's best posted on the production thread (although what I do hardly seems to qualify and seems a better fit here tbh).
As a slight aside - I had a good conversation with a musican friend last weekend about the drive to keep doing this stuff in the face of overwhelming critical and commercial indifference, which was quite funny. He's a fantastic producer, guitarist and singer who makes a good living off TV, film and library music and has just reached a point of financial stability at the age of 50 having struggled to support his family for years. He said to me it was a shame I wasn't doing more and that he'd be up for supporting me to put together a live band to play a few gigs.
I said it would be great but then thought, buy why? Why would I do that? I'm never going to play the kind of local pub-band gig. Y'know, wanking for coins on a Sunday afternoon while everyone wishes you'd shut up so they can enjoy their roast in peace. So if I was going to so something it would be more of an "event" type thing at a local art space where i'd rehearse a set of my stuff, hand out flyers, sell tickets (inevitably to friends and family) in advance and try and pull of the air of someone artistically relevant. But to what end? Certainly not commercial gain or the hope of some sort of musical "career" boost (after 12 years of this project, I have eighteen followers on Bandcamp). So would it just be in seach of validation? A few people saying some nice things? Probably. We decided that was probably about as much as we had any right to expect. I weighed up whether or not that might be worth the stagefright, crippling fear of potential humiliation, stomach cramps and sense of general dread that I experiance before any gig - and decided that I'll probably pass for now.
But despite that and having no time and very little mental space to devote to creativity - i'm still utterly compelled to do it. Making the best music I can possibly make with my limited ability is as essential to my mental and physical wellbing. I simply can't conceive of a time when I won't be doing it, planning it, thinking about it and enjoying the process - and if i'm lucky - being somewhat satisfied with the outcome.
Perhaps the trick is just keep recording and releasing. Finishing stuff quickly so you let it go before the invetiable self-critic disuades you from making something as finished or good enough. I'm not sure, but I am happy to let this one out into the world this afternoon.
I've been to the edge of burn-out at work lately and this week off came just in time and has also coincided with a bit of self-refelction and recalibration. I've been re-reading Jeff Tweedy's How to Write One Song recently which makes a good case for creativity for creativity's sake. Another useful bit of bathroom reading has been the Desserter guide to slackerdom, Shirk Rest and Play. This may sound silly but it really isn't. There's a section near the start of this promotional toilet book which really caught my work-addled imagination. The book is really just a cash-in spin-off from a podcast, which in itself is a spin-off from a website based on all things South London (but mainly, beer, pubs, drugs and crisps) and it opens with a section of the top regrets of the dying, which features the following:
There are more (presumably about pubs, crisps and beer) but those three have rather stuck with me. It's possible I may be rambling now, but the point is. I want to make sure that I don't end up losing my way and drifting away from writing, recording and releasing music. I don't want recognition (which is lucky in the circumstances) but I do try hard to make everything I do to be as good as I can make it, and I'm going to keep doing it, even if life gets in the way to the extent that the time between tracks ends up being far longer than i'd like. Those eighteen followers are just going to have to be patient.