I hate

The QR option only half worked he then blocked the car park removing it entirely.

The fact that we only got our car back from an accident repair on Monday and yesterday someone drove into it on a roundabout.

Our milkman (yeah - don't care) has just changed their milk supplier. Skimmed milk now comes with a blue top, semi-skimmed with red top. THAT'S WRONG.

Its crisp flavours all over again.

My daughter has inserts for her shoes.
The Red is for the right shoe, the Green for the left.
I questioned this and the Doctor, and my wife said “R Red is for right”

I tried and failed to make the point about the long established port/starboard left/right red/green association.

It properly rattled me.

port/starboard left/right red/green association.

The thing is port/starboard is constant to the vessel, rathet than to your position.

Eh? The vessel being the human

Running out of coffee (at home) at the start of my two days off.

A boat. Like if you're at the bow looking back it's no longer port/starboard left/right.

That really is awful.

But you don’t wear your shoes back to front.

And plenty of shoe companies use the port/starboard analogy

Unless you’re a family of mariners, I’m with your wife and the Doctor.

Glad your daughter has her shoes sorted though - I know the difference the inserts can make for a kid.

There's some distinctly negative vibes towards nautical dogma here. Let's hope nobody gets stranded at sea with that doctor.

Because you'll drown whilst trying to figure out which side of the ship to swim to when they say they'll pick you up from the port side?

Poop deck.

Because people will be bickering about which way round the table the fortified wine should go.

Hearing aids appear to be red for right as well

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Only in the officers' mess, surely.

Do you know The Bishop of Norwich?

the long established port/starboard left/right red/green association

Most of us don't know jack shit about nautical standards. Port is a drink. Starboard is a my little pony. Rrrrred is for right is an excellent little aide-mémoire, especially for a kid.

OG Kickers have green tab on the right and red on the left. As it should be.

Beat me to it.
I’ve always liked the bLue for left and bRown for right in changing a plug, one of the best nuggets of wisdom from my mum

Port is on the left
Port is red
Red is on the left

Starboard is on the right
Starboard is derived from steering board
Steer is another name for cow
Cows eat grass
Grass is green
Green is on the right

It’s fucking simple to remember even for non-nautical types.

Did lol

Port out, Starboard home. Any fool knows that and is easily relatable to your holibobs.