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a village which is 50% anglophone
This is one of the things that really held me back when I lived in Toulouse. Just so many English speakers there and a working population in shops/restaurants, etc. entirely used to responding in English when you asked them something in an obviously English accent.
I found going to the local pub helped a lot. And, oddly enough, buying a second-hand car. That taught me shitloads not just about French and the accompanying vocabulary but also the insane bureaucracy.
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I've lived here 3 years now, and I've gone from a smattering of 35 year old GCSE grade C French to reading quite well and being able to understand spoken French pretty well. My spoken French is terrible really, entirely due to a lack of confidence.
I don't think you really get a sense of how different the skills of reading, writing and speaking are until you learn another language. Reading, for me at least, seems to take a lot less effort and is relatively easy to pick back up if you take a long break but speaking falls off a cliff if you don't use it regularly.
The confidence or just not thinking too much will only get better if you just continue to speak in French, if someone speaks to you in English just answer in French, no matter how painful it is just plough on. If anyone questions just explain 'j'habite ici maintenant, je dois apprendre la langue'.
I think you might have mentioned that your wife is fluent? So she's probably sorting most stuff out? Don't get me wrong I understand, my Mrs is French so she sorted all the French admin bollocks but I sort out all post office, delivery stuff, I'm taking the kids to school/nursery so talking to the teachers regularly, do all the shopping, basically all the daily admin and we're looking for a gaff to buy so I'm organising the visits with estate agents. I just make my apologies for my shit French at the beginning of the call and crack on.
I bang on loads about doing a course but it really is the way to get over the confidence thing, check out the immigration office (OFII) to see if you qualify for anything, you'd be surprised how much the state offers, even if you have to pay for something they'll at least be the best source of information.
What accent I have picked up is Charentaise so people in Paris probably think I'm a yokel. I need to train myself out of it.
Fuck Parisiens, bunch of cunts anyway.
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which I kept answering in Italian
This was me the last time I went to France. I have been trying to learn Spanish for the last 4 years and comically kept replying to French in (broken) Spanish, which my wife found hilarious even though she refused to utter a single word of any language to anyone other than me.
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I've lived here 3 years now, and I've gone from a smattering of 35 year old GCSE grade C French to reading quite well and being able to understand spoken French pretty well. My spoken French is terrible really, entirely due to a lack of confidence. It's OK if I know what I am going to say, or if it's completely off the cuff and I forget to be nervous. Otherwise my brain just freezes. Same in English and Italian really!
I learned by a mixture of Michel Thomas MP3s (which I kept answering in Italian, cos that's how I learned what little Italian I speak, and the courses are almost identical), reading everything that came into the mailbox ('pub' is great for learning the names of obscure things), buying French car mags and newspapers, etc. and watching French TV. Initially it was things like N'oubliez pas les paroles, or The Voice, or Wheeler Dealers France, because if you know they are only going to be talking about a limited subject matter you can concentrate on the language. Then I graduated to Scènes de ménages and C'est Canteloup for some comedy. Then dramas like Lupin. TV is good for slang and all the oddities of spoken French like people saying "en fait" in every sentence and never saying "ne" when they negate something.
Also good are HelloFrench and French avec Nelly on Youtube. Great for teaching slang, swearing, alternatives to textbook French. Really helped with my comprehension of spoken French. Nelly is nice looking too which is very shallow of me but it does help to keep me watching.
Because I moved during lockdown and accidentally into a village which is 50% anglophone I've not really done much talking to real French people. Postal workers, delivery men, checkout staff, restauranteurs, that kind of thing.
I used to have a really good French accent before I moved here but I've actually gone backwards and deliberately sound English now, so that French people will reply to me more slowly and clearly. What accent I have picked up is Charentaise so people in Paris probably think I'm a yokel. I need to train myself out of it.