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I like the sincere route.
I worked with one of those crystal chacha type people who believed in body acidity levels and all that shit.
They were fucking insufferable with all their Paltrowesq suggestions.
Them "Oh you're using Vaseline for your lips"
Me "Yeah it's all I had in my draw and they're a bit dry"
Them "Oh you shouldn't use that because {spurious reasons}, why don't you try this guava oil I got from a sham website that ironically denounces pharma and multinationals for selling bogus shit for inflated prices while copying the same business model."
Take a leaf out of their book.
This boring bastard at my work who brings up 'needing coffee' in every single fucking call.
Me 'How are you this morning?'
Him 'Oh, OK apart from I haven't had enough coffee yet HA HA HA'
Daily Stand-up
'How is everyone doing?'
'Oh fine apart from I definitely need another coffee AH HA HA HA HA HAH....'
Shut up you fucking idiot...