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@hoefla
As an architect... it sounds pretty shit, but obvs I can't see the whole picture. I also no longer practice so I'm out of date, hoping someone else more current might chip in here.
You should (must) have written terms of appointment. These should include outline of what to expect when, what to pay when, and importantly what steps you can take if you're not happy. Complaining direct to ARB as someone linked to above is certainly an option but your contract with the architect should include steps which could still resolve the situation.
A "recommended" builder is tricky. Unless they are actually in business together and it's a design+build service, there are quite a lot of professional issues for the architect to do that. It also means you aren't getting competitive quotes. On the other hand it might mean the architect feels more confident that you won't get let down by quality of construction or service. Is there anything unusual about the construction method/materials or is it pretty standard?
If the architect says they've already value engineered the project, they should be able to show you how. That isn't an unreasonable expectation.
If the estimate has come in way high, it isn't really good enough for the architect to just shrug, especially if you have been reassured that it will be ok. In current climate I'm surprised any architect is offering assurances on costs, it's not under their control. Doing another round of options isn't free for the architect, but IMO they should show willing (eg meet you part way), and now they have an idea of costs for this situation, either/and do a quick option on what you can get for your budget, or help you get more quotes.
Putting in writing how you feel about the situation and where you think the problems and gaps are sounds like a good idea to start with.