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For the flow rate, check you haven't doubled up on flow restrictors or left one in that you don't need. If your hot water pressure is gravity fed (from a tank in the attic) though, you may have just reduced the distance between your shower head and the tank which could cause the drop in pressure. This could explain the sensitivity to adding cold in.
Many thanks for the help working out my shower woes - I've now installed a < £100 solution and had my first shower in months yesterday.
Objectively it was terrible - awful water pressure from the shower head (which is odd because the tap pressure is amazing) and really hard to balance the temperature (even the tiniest bit of cold water overwhelms the hot water, utterly).
But subjectively it was amazing. I feel clean for the first time in months.