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HarmanMogul
Ride Report - Straight Outta Hackney
Yesterday @Thrasher and I rode Straight Outta Hackney.
I prepared really well for this by not riding at all since PBP and fuelling with 8 pints of 6.8% IPA and 3 Crosstown doughnuts the night before.
Sod riding all the way up to North London, we took the Overground from New Cross Gate to Canonbury then a short ride to the start, bumping into @Amcharl along the way. Few familiar PBP faces and a big turnout from Brixton and Peckham clubs.
Roll out through some shite road, to describe the first 30k as forgettable would be kind. Hoddesdon on the way out decked out in Union Flags felt like a town where Brexit means Brexit. Some nice lanes after that, saw a rider crash at some point, not sure if he just clattered some road furniture or what but there were like a dozen other riders around so we rolled through, hope they're ok. Stopped for a long overdue piss somewhere then to the first control at the Cafe Riverside in Ickleton. Nice place, scoffed a chocolate brownie.
Out back into some nice rolling lanes, at some point just before the 100k mark we saw missed a trick by not grabbing a cold drink in a pub, "we'll dive into the next one" I said, not knowing we were headed into the arse end of nowhere with no pubs to be seen, balls. Info control caused some confusion as it wasn't on the route but we didn't look around for it, the opportunity to dabble in a bit of plagiarism would present itself. Couple of Brixton riders alerted us to the presence of a cold tap at a church shortly after, it was very welcome.
Rolled into Cambridge; shade, drink, food and rest was needed. Took our time and I found a sushi place, we then had a bit of a feast sitting on the grass. Suitably fed and rested we left Cambridge the way we came in and set our sights on North London. On a fairly wide lane a few miles out of Cambridge we were slowly close passed by a silver Ford Fiesta, the trade kind with panelled rear windows, squirting windscreen wiper fluid right on us. Ok. Quite miffed we continued, lo an behold a junction ahead and petrol station on the other side where the Fiesta had pulled in. Time to have a word...
You enjoy that? Spraying us as you drove past...
What you on about?
You deliberately sprayed us with your windscreen fluid when you drove past.
I was cleaning my windscreen.
No, it was deliberate.
It was a coincidence.
Oh, a coincidence. Ok. I thought you were just being a prick and a coward. But it was a coincidence so that's ok.
Spindly yellow-teethed gammon seethes, clenches his fists and edges closer
Oh you want to have a crack? You really think this will end well for you?
Gammon seethes some more, realises his diet of bitterness and 20 Benson & Hedges a day means he's not exactly at his physical peak and backs down, walks off
I leave him with a cheery "I hope you get cancer in your cock".
We continue, long and pretty exposed road. Despite trying not to go too deep, just past Royston our core temperatures were getting a bit Chernobyly so we pulled into a mercifully chilly pub, just a few ol' boys watching the ponies on telly, quite perplexed by our antics. Drink, cool down and on to the final control at a pub in Puckeridge. Heineken 0% and some lemonade then the final leg back into North London. Final 30k or so of utter shite. Apologies to North Londoners but everything from Waltham Cross to Harringay can get in the fucking sea.
Good day out overall but having ticked it off there's no need to it again, the bits in and out of North London are just a bit too shit to make it worthwhile.