Overheard at the LFGSS golf club bar

Did you get the registration?

The most serious injuries were to the Gruyere cheese (it got bent)

Not likely to be Farage, unfortunately- he doesn’t really drink much outside of photo-opportunities (according to a close family member I used to be friendly with).

Is the family member an electrician?

Nah, a fin serv consultant.

the bastard got away with the drink driving offence. according to the police he abandoned the car further down the road and presumably got a lift because the police said they brought dogs to the scene (!) and the dogs couldn't get a scent. we got the licence plate. hopefully the insurance can get him to pay

i wish i had got a pic of the nose of his car a foot deep into the side of the house so i could have done two threads with one gammon

Not likely to be Farage, unfortunately- he doesn’t really drink much outside of photo-opportunities (according to a close family member I used to be friendly with).

£100 says he reports the car stolen when he wakes up, then sticks to “the thief crashed it”.

another guy who saw it said driver was completely shit faced.

I hope you got the witness details?

there’s a smashed up rover near the house this morning

Try and get the car keys if the driver is out of the car.
We had a really bad accident in front of our house and the driver was so drunk she tried to drive away even though I had taken the keys.
Only do it if it’s safe though.

A front door camera can help identify drivers.

The full facts are waaaay more GC, kept it as anodyne as I could.

What the fuck, you can't ID him.

EDIT You plural...not tmevans

No one will take that bet, as it will be that or it was shock, I left the scene....but don't remember I must have hit my head and present himself to the police station when sobered up.

Or does that only work for killing motorcyclists?

I’m in London for a few days later in the month, where should I go to buy some watches. Prefer vintage, budget 10k ish

Ffs, the watch thread never fails 😂

+1 They're very defensive. Woe betide anyone who mocks their bling.

Low hanging fruit, and really £10k for a vintage watch? Amateurs

I saw a really pissed bloke crash his motorbike a few years ago. Luckily just at 2mph and just in to a wall which also didn't take any damage. He was clearly about to get back on so I pocketed the keys and walked off with them. He was too hammered to even notice me taking them out. I am a hero.

You might have saved his life, so yes you are a hero.

When are you nicking the bike?

Cycling down Park Lane years back, a clearly pissed moped rider was kicking at a car until the driver got out. Rider was trying to hit him while unable to stay upright - his jeans and underwear fell down to his knees at one stage, and he still kept swiping at mid-air rather than fix them. It was rather unedifying.

Got off my bike, took the big bunch of keys from his moped (which he'd crashed into the kerb) and threw them over the 12 foot wall of one of the big embassy-type buildings. Went on my way, he's still probably wondering where his keys are.

I locked my bike up in soho on one big night, and was probably fortunate I couldn’t remember where.

Had to go back the next day feeling horrific. Searched for a good while before giving up. Then finally walked past it as I was leaving.

Csb etc.

Not to go all Dailly Mail