• staying at my mum’s in tory heartland, someone just slammed into the house! i come out to see a boomer in salmon chinos and blazer standing by his car. i go back in and get phone and go and check on my mum. i come back out to see him drive off at 5 miles an hour with the bumper dragging along the ground and both airbags activated. another guy who saw it said driver was completely shit faced. i’m hoping it was actual nigel farage (or it could be our old tory mp, julian brazier, who has a history of hit and run). house wall quite smashed up, have called police. classic on way home from golf club situation

  • Try and get the car keys if the driver is out of the car.
    We had a really bad accident in front of our house and the driver was so drunk she tried to drive away even though I had taken the keys.
    Only do it if it’s safe though.

    A front door camera can help identify drivers.

  • I saw a really pissed bloke crash his motorbike a few years ago. Luckily just at 2mph and just in to a wall which also didn't take any damage. He was clearly about to get back on so I pocketed the keys and walked off with them. He was too hammered to even notice me taking them out. I am a hero.

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