I think the crux of the issue was Virgin cable not liking to have the routers swapped.
Yep. 5 minutes with the power off tends to fix that.
I gave it 10, powered on the Virgin hub, waited through white and green lights until the light went red (which stupidly means it's working) and then turned on the router and the WAN light went white instead of red and I went "fuck yes you bastard".
@hippy started
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Yep. 5 minutes with the power off tends to fix that.