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always a shame when plans fall through, especially when they fall through due to the crushing mundanity of general life. it's one thing to have your tour stopped by a broken collar bone, another because of bills and employment. you correctly identify here that there is that extra twist of the knife which comes from the general embarassed feeling of telling everyone about your dream and ambition only to be derailed by something that many people take for granted, good mental health, a good job, and a supportive environment.
i think with the culture of cycling, especially on the preformance end, it can often lead one to over individualise these things, i should be in control of my mental health, i should work at my job and not quit, i should ride up that hill better, if i can put up with a vo2 max test surely i can put up with dave at work, if i can't why in the hell do i think i can crest an alp!?
but i think what you've written here is a particularly wise, earnest and healthy thing, to recognise it is disapointing, it is a little embarassing, on a emotional level, but ultimately not the end. you have your fitness, your health, your bike and oppertunity. whenever it happens is in the end arbitary and achievable
if you fancy a ride (albeit slower than your usual pace) i would be more than happy to keep you company till you escape to the continent
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Maj
Things are not going great, is the short version of it. Would like to say 'ups and downs' but it has been pretty much just downs!
I took a job to save the last bit of money I needed to get going, but after a short bit of time there I quit. It was pretty horrible and completely ruined my mental health so I ended up walking out on the job one day. Since then it has been rough financially...
I've had to spend much of the money I saved for the trip on living expenses so I'm sort of back at square one. I've got another job but it's not earning very much at all. I like the work well enough, and get on super well with my co-workers but I didn't really want to end up in this kind of work again so I'm feeling a bit demoralised. If it all went to plan I'd be on the road as we speak!
After letting myself get so excited about the tour, telling all my friends and people I ride with, I feel like a bit of a failure to myself and all those people. And to everyone on the forum who has been so kind and helpful, sharing their knowledge and experiences.
Feeling actually quite upset about it, to be honest.
I've wanted to go do this for so long now, and I've spent so long saving and planning and dreaming about it that it's crushed me a bit.
I think I can scrounge up enough money by the end of summer if nothing else goes wrong, but how likely that is I'm not sure.
Until them I'm just working away trying to save some money and riding lots of my days off. One good thing, I suppose, is that although I spend a lot of my savings while looking for a job I have been able to ride a lot so I'm feeling pretty fast and fit at the moment.
So yeah, that's where I am at the moment. Sorry everyone :( life can be a bit shit