ride fast, see the world

Things are not going great, is the short version of it. Would like to say 'ups and downs' but it has been pretty much just downs!
I took a job to save the last bit of money I needed to get going, but after a short bit of time there I quit. It was pretty horrible and completely ruined my mental health so I ended up walking out on the job one day. Since then it has been rough financially...
I've had to spend much of the money I saved for the trip on living expenses so I'm sort of back at square one. I've got another job but it's not earning very much at all. I like the work well enough, and get on super well with my co-workers but I didn't really want to end up in this kind of work again so I'm feeling a bit demoralised. If it all went to plan I'd be on the road as we speak!

After letting myself get so excited about the tour, telling all my friends and people I ride with, I feel like a bit of a failure to myself and all those people. And to everyone on the forum who has been so kind and helpful, sharing their knowledge and experiences.
Feeling actually quite upset about it, to be honest.
I've wanted to go do this for so long now, and I've spent so long saving and planning and dreaming about it that it's crushed me a bit.

I think I can scrounge up enough money by the end of summer if nothing else goes wrong, but how likely that is I'm not sure.
Until them I'm just working away trying to save some money and riding lots of my days off. One good thing, I suppose, is that although I spend a lot of my savings while looking for a job I have been able to ride a lot so I'm feeling pretty fast and fit at the moment.

So yeah, that's where I am at the moment. Sorry everyone :( life can be a bit shit