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  • I got these ridiculous gourmet instant ramen from the Asian supermarket.
    1) 960 calories!
    2) Comes with a sachet of Chinese river snail soup, pickled vegetables and a bag of ‘wood ear’ in drinking water.
    3) Ingredients include items specifically labelled as ‘edible’.

    Literally nothing can go wrong, right?

  • Wash them down with some Newton Wonder cider,
    and
    finish with your last mince pie.
    (You know how to serve it).

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