Dirty Porn (photo/written project)

For those wondering whether we really need another thread that panders to the purists among us who would look down on hapless novices with bars and hoods off-kilter, allow me this preamble to justify what might seem superfluous at first sight.

Though we have several much-loved lists of pristine machines ready to be rolled into a gallery, there's something thrilling about capturing these marvels of two-wheeled innovation after a beating; think post-Roubaix where just the mud-spattered bike conjures visions of the battle on treacherous cobbles.

For a few years I've been chipping away at a mock epic poem of sorts in the style of Lewis Carroll's The Hunting of the Snark. The tale here is the pedant's process of cleaning their bike with rhyming couplets taking us through the steps. I think that I have about three-quarters of it done but have never managed to complete the whole piece. Which is why I'm hoping a little bit of external engagement would motivate me to wrap it up.

The end goal would be to get a selection of photos to accompany the text that might even be worthy of printing, with proceeds going to the forum and other causes tba (I'm quite expecting this to flop). In the event that this gains traction, this would be a photo series of the kind of bikes that would get a nod of approval from forum heads but after they've been given a beating. Think summer bikes exposed to winter. Each picture could have one or two couplets (so 2 or 4 lines) depending on how many images I could get. Obviously the image quality is key to capture the full gory glory. To give a sense of the style, here's how it starts:

My bike did need a cleaning and a cleaning it did get,
With bucket and a sponge it was indubitably wet;

then later with stuff like this:

I then observed the chain-stays whose sad state called for the brush
And excess elbow grease to loose the stubborn steadfast crust;
But oh! what joy attended when at last my work prevailed,
And once again their streamlined engineering was unveiled;
My exultation, though sincere, did not remain unchecked,
As looking fore from aft I saw a part not to forget:
The fork! that two-pronged aerofoil that first confronts the wind,
To leave it so besmirched with dirt was sacrilegious sin;

With Festive 500 in full swing, now might be a moment when some of us are braving the elements and maybe not just on gravel bikes. Basically if you come back with a bike that's in need of a good clean, it would be great to get a (good quality) image of the bike before it's power-hosed and polished.

Below are a couple of examples to give an idea of what I'm thinking. Firstly @ghostface 's stunning Look after a tough one:

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