Overheard at the LFGSS golf club bar

Imports of Swiss watches to the UK were up by 31% in the first half of 2022, according to the Federation of the Swiss Watch Industry – the average spend at the Watches of Switzerland group being about £6,000. Meanwhile, sales of watches below £2,500, sometimes referred to as “mid-range”, are falling.

Our lads are doing their bit.

Interesting to know you can get a watch for under £2.5k. Presumably it can’t be much good for that.

You're being ridiculous, nobody can live without a watch the size of a large turtle, designed to survive immense depths of water (and probably nuclear war). These hazards are becoming increasingly common in modern offices. It's an utter fallacy that such important instruments are an exercise in dick-waving or conspicuous consumption.

Attractive reasonably priced watches that actually work are strictly for the servants.

To be fair neithetr nuclear war nor flooding from climate change are an impossibility... Maybe they're just ahead of the game?

Imagine spending less than 2.5k on a watch. I bet all it would do is accurately tell the time, absolutely disgraceful.

We all know that a precision timepiece is a legacy, a signal that you have extraordinarily hairy wrists not an instrument for accurately measuring time.

The good thing about these v expensive watches is that to the untrained (and sensibly disinterested) eye, they all look borderline the same, one diver same as the next, so there's thankfully no danger of standing out from the crowd

I’m just jealous that my wrists aren’t hairy enough, it’s the politics of envy

You do realise that you're entering the murky world of offshore wrist hair grafts? These are the principal reason for the increasing scarcity of the gorilla. Nature cannot be allowed to stand in the way of the correct degree of hirsuteness.

Primate hair implants are primo golf club

There's a nice chap in Turkey who will skin an Albanian refugee to match your hair colour. I blew my entire inheritance on a watch and couldn't afford his full service, so I had my entire scalp transferred to my wrist for the perfect watch and keyboard shot.

This explains my baldness.

Indeed, our club Ladies Captain had a fetching hair addition from an Orang Utan, unfortunately it clashes rather with her blue rinse.

The diet of fruits and leaves has done marvels for her complexion.

I’m just jealous that my wrists aren’t hairy enough, it’s the politics of envy

My wrists have been getting slowly hairier over the last decade but are still essentially Harry Hill Hairy, would an expensive watch fix this or draw attention to my dainty, smooth wrists?

From the literary classic

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Maybe the greatest book ever written.

The prequel 'Young Hairy Hands' was infinitely better in my opinion.

He's good company apart from when he licks his dick passionately at 3am

Tried to get my local bagmaker to realise my ideas

Forcing me to go DIY and work with my hands is one thing I will not forgive

Haha that's too much context for here!

friends at dinner parties

Thank you, it's been a while.

That's a hell of a caveat

It'll cost £25 more if you want it clean

#rep