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Appreciate you're probably joking but is there a way to do this that looks good? Something like a sink with expanded [ceramic] surround.
NickCJ-
If you have the space I'd recommend a single bowl sink with integrated drain boards on either side. I'm biased because we inherited something like that in the form of porcelain over steel, but I've never seen anything that appeals more for functionality and long term durability - ours is from the 30s and aside from a couple of chips it's in great shape.
withered_preacher
and then replace all the wood within 60cm of the sink with something more appropriate : )