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kl
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@owl
I had a work Christmas night out many years ago, somewhere near Hammersmith, don't remember which pub but they were selling festive chutney on the bar. Got smashed, Piccadilly line back to manor house, fell asleep and eventually woke up in cockfosters at 3am. Got myself out of the train and checked my phone. Over a hundred missed calls from my gf. apparently i had drunkenly called her before getting on the train and promised to call her back when i got off. She wasn't impressed, so i called her to let her know i was fine. Whilst speaking to her i put my hand in my coat pocket only to find a worrying warmth and moistness. For some reason my first thought was that I'd been stabbed. I told her this and she freaked out even more. Transpires i had bought a jar of festive chutney from the pub and some Joker had emptied it into my coat pocket whilst i slept. Maybe they just needed the jar?