I hate

I haven't, thanks for that. It's a tomorrow job...

Going back to work. Been off since last Wednesday and it’s been fucking great, and I know I’m going to walk into an absolute shitstorm tomorrow, although I don’t know the exact form the shitstorm will take so I can look forward to not sleeping properly tonight because of gnawing anxiety. At least it’s only going to be a three day week.

confidential information on walls.

wut

Don’t forget your Poomageddon Pants.

I have a whiteboard behind my desk at home, occasionally there might be something on it that I wouldn't want an outsider to see, luckily I never have to speak to outsiders.

I still don't have a webcam.

I don't take notes on whiteboards. I used to love my diary/notepad but I got rid of those years ago and made everything digital.

Get rid of the walls, it's even easier.

Work social events.

I am paid a specific amount of money, in return I have to spend a specific amount of time with these people (and do my job)
I am not sacrificing a Thursday evening to go out for a shit Turkish meal with people I will never think of again in 3 months time.

I used to hate this. Especially when we had to pay our own way for these meals that were in our own time. Plus it being a black mark that I wasn’t a team player if I didn’t participate. Further antagonised by them clashing with the sports club I paid to train with.

To counter that, all my mates are ex colleagues so work dos were always very welcome

Work social events

Yeah. No. Not going. Haveanicetimebye

When I was a Project manager in tech I used to sit next to George, another Project manager.
Every morning he would log onto his work PC then open his personal laptop and place it on the right of his desk and then stack his work phone on top of his personal phone on the left hand side of his desk.
And then he would walk to the printer and return with his outlook diary for the day which he had printed out and proceed to handwrite notes on it.
It just made me chuckle.

I did seriously think about working from a tent in Wales.

manager
outlook diary for the day which he had printed out

Says it all, really.

I made a choice to be blunt rather than make fake excuses.
"No, sounds shit" gets rolled out with the colleagues.
If I am being diplomatic "Not my idea of fun" or "If I can't bring my dog, I am not interested" (and then "oh I can bring my dog? He isn't interested")

Why do people get so annihilated on these things? I’ve been in bands on tour and not got as totally mashed as on a corporate jolly.
I generally avoid where possible, when I had an expense account it was useful going to a customer’s Xmas do and waving the plastic about. There is an insane drinking culture in the U.K. and an extra level of corporate drink machismo.

Depends if it's a free bar and the people I like a going. Since they sold my company I've been on one work drinks thing in the last 3 years. Before that it was much more often.

corporate drink machismo

You rang?

There is an insane drinking culture in the U.K. and an extra level of corporate drink machismo.

Our head office is in Baden-Wurttemberg I went on their works outing, they started drinking at 07:00 and were still going 20 hours later.

Hot water drinkers

I like a work event

I am moving from a small firm to a multinational, so not ruling out corporate arse licking in the near future.
Anything for a business class trip to Cali

Yeah, and you refused to come for a pint with me because you were so firmly attached to the corporate teat... 😉

True

Being overcharged for onboard drinks and snacks and instead of getting a refund being advised to email customer service