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Hmm ok that's good to know - hopefully I'm misremembering. It's a 06 Transporter, 1.9 tdi.
The zero reading thing might be my error - apparently it takes a few seconds for computers to go "back to sleep" after adding the multimeter to the circuit?
I definitely wasn't waiting very long. Have ordered some test leads with clamps so I can have another go though.
First 14.8v is a bit high, I don't like to see more than 14.4v. No readings of a draw on a modern car is odd.
What car is it?