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  • I saw a Sub on display at the Rolex concession in Selfridges a few years ago. But it was gold, and I didn't have 30 grand to spare. I was wearing my fake gold Sub that day but I'd put it in my pocket. It just seemed very bad manners to wear it in front of the staff.

    One of them asked me if I needed any help, so I whispered that it was a waste of her time talking to me because I could only afford the fake in my pocket. She was very chatty and told me about the customers who come in wearing a fake which isn't even a copy of an existing Rolex model and then insist it's real and the staff are lying. She was saving up for a bimetal Datejust. The staff could have some of their salary held back every month and buy at a discount. She had a year to go.

    Then she asked if she could have a look at my fake. She was shocked by how good it was. To my amazement she held it next to the one on display. There was a long silence. I wanted to console her by pointing out what a terrible copy my fake was, but it looked too good. The gold coating looked perfect. Then I noticed that the big circular hour markers on the fake were too big. You could see that very easily. Phew.

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