Epic WTF

Going back to the dildo issue,

I need to make a dildo seat post to play a practical joke on a guy who is retiring soon......

Classic 'asking for a friend' question right there

Facepalm

So you want them to sue you and the company for sexual harassment to bolster their retirement funds? Very generous retirement gift.

Mrs Bobbo narrowly avoided such a situation at her work. Someone gave the head of HR a mug that when cold read I ❤️ tea. When it warmed up in the presence of hot tea it magically changed to I ❤️ teabagging. Head of HR didn't see the funny side and Mrs Bobbo had to put her boss hat on and unilaterally ban secret Santa.

It's a joke between colleagues who regularly play jokes on each other. The level of trust a few of us share goes beyond grassing each up for personal gain. I work in an industry where Health and safety is to the extreme and where it is easier to lose your job by offending someone than damaging infrastructure and injuring people. It's exhausting sometimes and this sort of thing is an outlet .
Edit
We've also got enough dirt on each other that if someone was to say something we'd all be in the shit 🤷‍♂️

we'd all be in the shit

I think you'll want anal beads then.

I worked at one of The Priory centres a long time ago in deepest Somerset as a care worker. All the other staff lived locally I was the odd one out. Always a bit of a vibe. When I left they gave me a leaving present which I insisted on opening at home as I could sense something was up. It was Little Britain toy of the 'only gay in the village' character, with a string on the back you could pull to make it say the catchphrase.

They must have been a joy to work with.

A radio in the shape of two breasts with tuning knobs where the nipples normally are is probably the most wtf secret Santa I've ever witnessed.

Recipient had a good laugh, the manager getting a plastic ballscratcher didn't think it was funny but didn't complain either.

When I asked the gifter if it means he thought the manager was lazy his reply was "no, there's just no vanity panel board under his desk and I can literally see him scratch his balls from where I sit".

The joys of open plan offices.

We also got fed up with our unions and decided to start our own.
We are yet to be officially recognised but we have pens.

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Time at work must fly by.

This year's secret santa for me was a pair of socks wth"this meeting is bullshit" written across them.... Someone has twigged what I think of our morning "team brief"

This seems somewhat curious
https://twitter.com/haringeycouncil/status/1481687558061006849

proof some tesla drivers are wankers

https://rate-driver.co.uk/LC70ZKR

maybe NSFW
deffo NSFdriving

Not really, stolen cars plates dumped.

I assumed the same, surprised they all went down the same gutter though

Thief probably lives nearby.

wow some properly wtf parking stories upthread. I hadn't thought it was possible to hate cars any more than I already did! Drivers are aggressive and bullying towards anyone without a car, amazingly they seem to hate each other even more. Cars represent one of the biggest failures of our society.

There was a builder working in central Greenwich this morning.

He was parked on a yellow line, but had completely covered his front and rear number plater in gaffer tape so the wardens couldn't issue a ticket. Cunt.

^ Didn't really mean to reply to @William, so for clarity, it's the builder I'm calling a cunt.

Can't the wardens peel it off?

I don't think they are allowed to for some reason.

In any case, if you're a warden life's too short to provoke a row with a narky builder.

And would probably be shorter if they did.

The procedure is for the warden to report it to the police, who then tow it away. Hardly ever happens.

wow some properly wtf parking stories upthread. I hadn't thought it was possible to hate cars any more than I already did! Drivers are aggressive and bullying towards anyone without a car, amazingly they seem to hate each other even more. Cars represent one of the biggest failures of our society.

walking back from the shops earlier, arrive at a 4-way crossroads on the quiet back streets near my house and about to step out when a car speeds up to the junction and abruptly stops and I can see the driver clearly not sure where to go, I wait on the kerb for about 15 seconds while they furrow their brow trying to figure it out and are making no indication of where they intend to go nor acknowledging they're holding me up because I can't step in front of a driver with the engine running who doesn't know what they're fucking doing and was clearly not driving sensibly before they reached that point.

they eventually opt to turn across the bit to the corner where I'm waiting to cross to park on the same side of the road as I'm standing and as soon as they pull past me I begin to start crossing having been waiting for a solid 20 seconds or so by this point, only for them to immediately slam the car in reverse and try to reverse back into the junction to straighten their car up having to slam on their brakes before nearly hitting me and then they actually had the fucking nerve to beep the horn at me.

at any point they could have seen me waiting and waved me across letting me know they'd seen me and it was safe to cross, or had half a fucking braincell that i would try to cross the road when they passed me, either way it would have taken 3 seconds for me to be out of their way so they could take all the time they wanted. but still they treat me like the asshole having lost 30 seconds of my life to their indecisiveness.