I hate

TBF if I slept in a kitchen and the washing machine came on it'd give me a shock.

Mine would certainly give you a shock, the useless fucker has just comprehensively shat itself and taken up smoking....

2 work-free days to Xmas and now I have to spend one of them sourcing, buying, installing and disposing of poxy washing machines.

Planned obsolescence cunts.

She doesn't sleep in the kitchen, she's just very overzealous in her guard dog duties.

Ha, you've made that sound like I do when I de-construct a task I'm regaling to my wife hoping she thinks it's far more 'mammoth' than it is. Doing the washing for example involves
individual room interrogation and exploration
smell checking
turning garments inside out
garment transportation, often involving stairs
careful setting selection
additional spin setting facilitation
and that's before I even get to the drying!!!!

smell checking

I am very uncomfortable with this phrase.

auto-co-w̶r̶o̶n̶g̶ pong

obviously, MOAR is never not a good idea. I just remember reporting it to my GP as yet another sign that I was not quite right and he asked about my caffeine intake (which tbf was industrial scale back then).

Smell checking? Simply hurl the clothing against a wall and re-use anything that doesn't stick.

But my walls are so sticky.

Wash one down with dish soap and warm water, and ask a neighbour to use one of their walls while it dries.

Stretch denim.
Especially when purchased in error, not knowing that such a stupid thing exists

I'm going to be unpopular and say that elastic definitely has a place in denim. It makes it more comfortable and reduces crouch blow outs.

But then I'm not into the fetish and my jeans don't look like this.

As an aside, I've got a pair of kevlar "skateboard" levis that I bought for the express purpose of playing with my kids on a whim in tkmax. They are full of all sorts of man made fibres (including 2% elastane) and are absolutely fucking ace. Asides from the hotter months I've worn them almost constantly and 2yrs on the crotch is still in tact, as are the knees. I need to find another pair for when these go.

You can have mine. They’re utter dogshit.

As if denim wasn’t already unsustainable enough, chuck some fucking elastic in it.

Serves me right I suppose, off to scour the charity shops instead.

Why do you go to a store? I dig all my denim out of 19th century silver mines and I never had issues.

crouch blow outs

Is that when you squat and fart?

I hate the fact that kids say ‘Santa’ now instead of Father Christmas. I’m only 40.

Fucking Americans.

I hate the fact that kids say ‘Santa’ now instead of Father Christmas. I’m only 40.

Fucking Americans.

"The legend of Santa Claus can be traced back hundreds of years to a monk named St. Nicholas. It is believed that Nicholas was born sometime around 280 A.D. in Patara, near Myra in modern-day Turkey"

how is santa the new one?

I fully understand the genesis of it. I still fucking hate it.

I prefer the Spanish; Navipadre.

Sorry to break up the etymology jerk circle but here are some Daddy Claus memes

2 Attachments

Also this one because I like it.

1 Attachment

Whoops, wrong thread!

No, it's fine, everyone hates you.

Patara, near Myra in modern-day Turkey

Lucky fucker. Patara is awesome. If you catch it at the right time of year, one of the most idyllic and quiet beaches you'll find in Europe. And there's an awesome trout restaurant a few miles inland. And a bunch of Roman ruins.

As an aside, I've got a pair of kevlar "skateboard" levis that I bought for the express purpose of playing with my kids on a whim in tkmax.

That’s very specific situation. How many times have you played with your kids on a whim in TK Maxx since you bought the Jeans? And how many times that it happened did you happen to be wearing the jeans?

I suppose you can’t ever put them on on the assumption that you will be going to play with your kids in TK Maxx, because that wouldn’t be on a whim. Which was the express purpose you bought them for.

I guess in order to get any use out of them, you must carry them with you everywhere then examine your whimsy every time you pass a TK Maxx with your kids?

Do get changed in the street or nip into the changing rooms? Or always wear them under your normal jeans?

How long, usually, before someone says, “sir, I appreciate that it is only whimsy (and that you are appropriately attired) but this isn’t a playground… it’s TK Maxx. Look, there’s Teenslain buying pans!”

Either way, I admire you commitment to the right tool for the right job.