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Thanks for that, was genuinely therapeutic to read! I think you’re right in the realism side of things. I’m not going to be at the pointy end of races for a long fucking time in my current situation, and comparing everything against those times is silly (but hard to avoid). Just need to find a window here or there and make it fun again.
Ottomanotter
I just want to point out that these are not shit excuses. They're real life and have to get done.
I've dropped any expectations of myself to go racing or do big events. Be honest with yourself. I simply can't make the commitment like I used to be able to. Early morning weekend rides knock it out of me too much to be able to function properly so I've had to drop those. I also don't get to commute by bike every day any more, now only 1-2 times a week. Once I accepted that I simply couldn't do any of those any more and stopped beating myself up about it, it became a lot easier.
Instead, I try to insert my bike into other areas of my life. I have a cargo bike now. I try to do the weekly shop either on the cargo bike or with a big bag on my back. That way I can enjoy being on two wheels while doing chores. Instead of weekend rides, I chuck my son in the cargo bike or in the Hamax and we go exploring the local paths for a couple of hours. Try to get my OH to come along on her bike too (easier once the baby is bigger). When I commute, I'm on my wildest fixie with a disc wheel on the back and a big grin on my face - I make it count and try to enjoy every mile even if it's pissing down. When I get the rare chance to go out socialising I almost always reach straight for my bike as means of transport, it's part of the occasion for me.
Don't feel bad about it though. Real life gets in the way. Key thing is getting out when you can and, if you can, making sure the kids are involved because they'll be able to come out and join you when they get bigger.