Owning your own home

Yeah, I wouldn’t accept someone sending a contractor to lift floorboards.

Especially when it can results I’m asking for less if something serious show up.

We installed an IKEA kitchen in our place in the summer there, my father-in-law, my wife & I. Took a few days to get the old one out and the new one in and it was all pretty painless. No experience of getting people in to fit one, but everyone I talked to said that it took a fair bit longer than what we'd done. And that was including having a toddler walking around asking what all the bits were for.

I'm guessing IKEA kitchens aren't everyone's cup of tea, but in terms of installing them, I'd wager it's as easy as it gets.

Also saves on playing builder-roulette.

Edit: Also, IKEA have a pretty decent kitchen designer program to help plan everything out which was super useful.

Is that an architect? Interior designer? Kitchen company? Builder? Again, how do I know that whichever one of those it is are not going to end up in the 90% camp?

All of those options will get you a kitchen. If you're not fussed about cutting edge design (it sounds like you're not - no offence) then the first two can probably be discounted. I would in your shoes go with a kitchen company, not one of the big ones, look for a local independent as they don't have a massive marketing budget so they live and die by their reputation. They will be able to do the design and will have a team of tradespeople that they work with and trust to do installation. Alternatively they will be able to supply you with the design and the kitchen for you to arrange your own installation.

the worst of the worst trades I've had in this year, have all been British.

It seem to be the last, we have a Hungarian guy to sort out the bathroom and kitchen and was brilliant.

, but in terms of installing them, I'd wager it's as easy as it gets.

Installing any kitchen isn't difficult. It's literally a case of assembling boxes (most kitchen suppliers actually supply them ready made so you don't even need to do that), lining them up and making sure they're plumb and level. Worktops can be trickier.

They even had their own wash kit with hand soap and towels, put up proper dust sheets/screens etc. and cleaned up at the end of each day, not just at the end of the job (makes all the difference when we're still living here - I know it takes time, but if you're onsite for 8-10 hours a day, we're still here for the other 14-16, I don't like tramping dust and muck everywhere).

I was going to put this on the list but by the time you realise its usually too late. IMHO a good contractor when they arrive on the first day to start work should do the folloing in this order:

1. Bring in a set up dust sheets.
   
2. Bring in and set up hoover / dust extractor.
   
3. Bring in tools and set up workspace.
   
4. Bring in materials.
   
   

If stuff is being left on site overnight it should be stacked neatly, out of the way, so that it cannot fall on anyone or be interfered with by kids. Last thing that should be done at the end of the day is to run the hoover over before leaving.

We used a guy that was a friend of a friend, he originally trained as an architect and then became a carpenter. He did the design with me, taking onboard the overall plan for the room, made the units off-site and then installed them (very rapidly) with a colleague that he introduced (who was normally a film-set carpenter).

The quality of the work was excellent, the materials were also excellent and the whole kitchen shows basically no wear many years later.

But, we danced to his tune - he ignored all correspondence unless it suited him, and the work was (very suddenly) scheduled for when he wanted to do it, and we had to drop everything else to accommodate him.

I've had other work done since by a different carpenter and the quality of the craftsmanship is a world away - the kitchen I'd struggle to match, the other stuff I could easily do myself, and frankly wish I had done as the fittings (handles, mainly) are crap quality and bend. The kitchen is 100% Hafale runners/handles etc.

So! The kitchen was a pain due to how difficult it was to work with the carpenter, but I don't think I could have matched the quality he delivered. Literally everything else I've had done in the flat I wish I'd done myself because I could have done it better, apart from some plumbing and electrical work that had to be done on live systems. But the work I've had done I couldn't have done whilst I was at work, so there's value there of course.

"if in doubt, IKEA it out"

Quite possibly, first time for me doing any DIY on that scale and was surprised at how straightforward it is. Could be that that's the case for kitchen installations in general, or that IKEA are particularly simple. Given the amount of stories I've heard of friends/colleagues who've had kitchen fitters in and take an age to get it sorted, I was leaning towards the latter.

Hard to make an informed guess with only a single proper data point though!

I just want to point someone at the kitchen and ask them to tell me what it needs to make it a not shit kitchen.

Most of the big companies (John Lewis, Wickes, B&Q, etc) have designers, teams of fitters (generally subcontractors rather than directly employed), etc

MIL got a bathroom from Wickes recently and used their team and although it was probably a bit more expensive it was fairly straightforward (apart from this pandemic thing) and they did a good job. Included electrics (with relevant certificates) plumbing, tiling, waste disposal, etc

I recently fitted half a kitchen (the bit without appliances) and it involved a lot of cursing from me. Floor and wall not being level made it hard work.

go with a kitchen company, not one of the big ones, look for a local independent as they don't have a massive marketing budget so they live and die by their reputation. They will be able to do the design and will have a team of tradespeople that they work with and trust to do installation.

I did this, was great, would recommend

It REALLY gets on my tits that even when you try to be a responsible homeowner and get the right people in, pay them good money, on time without quibbling over every detail, you still get shafted. So much so that now I get hit with a massive wave of anxiety, verging on panic attack levels, when I'm handing over the money.

This is my entire attitude. Old couple two doors down have had a run of about 3 builders who have either all been crooks or the current ones just painfully slow. They've not been in their house for about 9-10 months now. There's shit I need really to sort with our gaff that I keep putting off cos I don't trust anyone not to shaft me.

This is broken Britain, we used to make steel once.

Now we only make moodboards.

Had a moment after hanging the fridge (next to the kitchen window), wife comes in and says the fridge isn't vertical. I've measured the mounting rail prior to hanging and the fridge itself after mounting and assure her it is. Only to find that of course, the window itself isn't completely straight. We've got a long kitchen with 2 roughly equal sized worktops going down either end. The floor isn't completely flat so where the worktops reach the end (again, with some excellently placed windows to show the unevenness), one is pretty much bang on the window sill, one a few cm below.

No intentions to fit the kitchen wonkily to offset the inherent wonkiness of the house (this may be where professional fitters are beneficial mind you).

My parents builders are trying to avoid finishing the agreed works and swerve any snagging at the moment- having trousered 90k. Cunts.

90k!! Fucking hell, how much left do they have to pay to complete it?

90k? It was two kitchens obvs.

Is it not just one kitchen?

An extension, new kitchen was part of that but a fraction.

Good point.

My that thing's awful. Didn't take long to find on Google Maps Satellite view: https://www.google.co.uk/maps/@50.7533177,-3.4907608,287m/data=!3m1!1e3

Reminds me of the awful thing the billionaire heiress has built down by Roehampton Gate: https://goo.gl/maps/nrv31dJt7NWZabQGA

That’s one baggy jersey.

I really like that house.
The houses around there are all piss-ugly in any case- this is a massive improvement.
eg this Mock Tudor several million pile:
https://goo.gl/maps/eLv8beH3cuX352Ra8

We're currently in the process of putting in a garden room, the interchange up-thread between @Howard, @stevo_com and @konastab01 re: the nightmarish panic of handing over money is very real to me at present. The builders are not on site today (expectedly so) and the steel sub-structure looks bleak and massive and I'm terrified.
Also the grass is all screwed, so thats a nice new job for me next year.

Selling: on the fixtures and fittings form, if I’m including the integrated appliances (good spec, 3 years old) should I price them individually, or are they thrown in with the flat?

If they are integrated/built in they are normally included in the price.